Squats on Roller Skates (Part 1)

Hail to the Dinosaurs!

Someone asked me what I thought about
doing squats on roller skates.

At first I thought he was kidding.

Turns out he was serious.

He'd read about it on the internet.

Apparently, it was the most effective
way to do squats. Triples your results
in half the time.

And apparently there are studies from
leading universities that prove it.

I mean, it's 100% bona fide.

Pure science.

Irrefutable logic.

With lots of big words, even.

"It's all about muscle memory," he said.
"If the muscles have never been there,
they don't remember it. So if your
muscles don't remember how to squat
on roller skates, they may start to
atrophy instead of hypertrophy. Which
means the more you train, and the more
weight you put on the bar, the worse
it is for you. It's worse than bio-
enervation of the remedial tediums!
Or molecular disgruntlement of the
anterior whazzit widget!"

I nodded gravely. I didn't know what to
say. I mean, I've seen and heard a lot
of goofy training stuff in my time, but
this took the cake.

There was even a documented case history
that explained the whole thing. He told
me all about it.

Good thing, too, because I would never
have figured this out on my own.

"See, there was this guy who trained old-
fashioned," he continued. "Worked up to
400 pounds for three sets of five reps in
the squat - and 450 pounds for a single.
Maybe even more than that! But he didn't
do them on roller skates."

"What happened to him?" I asked.

He looked at me like I had asked if
2 plus two equals ten.

"His muscles atrophied," he squeaked.
"Big time! He ended up weighing 111
pounds with 10 inch thighs! And they'll
shrink down to nine inches if he keeps
it up."

"That'll teach him!" I noted.

"Right!" he replied. "He even fits into
those hipster style skinny jeans. It's
really embarrassing for a guy who squats
400 for 5 reps."

I nodded. He was right. Skinny jeans are
truly embarrassing.

I decided to change the subject.

"So what are YOU squatting these days?"
I asked.

"95 pounds on my my heavy day!" he said,
with more than a whiff of self-satisfied
smugness. "But those aren't on roller

I was surprised. I'd pegged him as a "75
pounds on my heavy day" sort of guy.

"But I only go heavy every three months,"
he added. "I don't want to fry my CNS!"

"No, you wouldn't want to do that."

"So what do you think?" he asked.

"About what?"

"Squats on roller-skates! Should I do
power squats, donkey to grass, front
squats or overhead squats?"

"On roller skates?"

"Right! Or maybe I should do those 20 rep
breathing squat thingies. I heard those
were pretty good."

"Guy named McCallum thought so," I said.

"Did he do them on roller skates?"

I shook my head.

"I don't think so."

He waved his hand dismissively.

"Then he didn't do 'em right," he pronounced.

He turned back to me.

"So what do you think?" he asked.


Yours in strength,

Brooks Kubik

P.S. If you don't like the idea of squats
on roller skates, try the leg and back
programs in CHALK AND SWEAT -- and build
some serious strength and muscle mass:


P.S. 2. My other books and courses are
right here:


P.S. 3. Thought for the Day: "Simple works
fine, but most people prefer silly. That's
why they stay small and weak." -- Brooks