Hail to the Dinosaurs!
Here’s another Dinosaur Christmas tradition – I think
you’ll like it:
T’was the Night Before Christmas
T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the gym,
the lifters were lifting with vigor and vim.
They squatted so heavy the bars were all bending,
as they ground out the reps in the sets never ending.
They snatched and they pressed and they cleaned and they jerked,
until all of their muscles were thoroughly worked.
Then they ran to their sandbags and heaved them up high,
then heaved them again – right up into the sky!
When out in the back there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the rack to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave a luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
but a bag-flattened sleigh and unconscious reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
He was hopping and shouting and yelling and screaming.
He wasn’t just hot – he was totally steaming!
“You sandbagged my sled!” he cried in dismay.
“And that means you ruined the big Christmas day!
My toys are all broken, there’s no time to fix ‘em –
And look what you did to poor Prancer and Vixen!”
The lifters were flummoxed. “We’re sorry!” they cried.
And they picked up the reindeer and brought them inside.
“Quick!” someone shouted, “I know what to do!
We’ll whip up a batch of a high-powered brew!”
We started with milk and eggnog and eggs,
and added Hi Protein and poured it in kegs.
We tossed in some chocolate and ice cream for flavor,
Then added some honey, for reindeer to savor.
We mixed it together until it was ready,
Then lifted the reindeer and held them all steady.
We gave each performer three cups of the stuff,
Then added another to make it enough.
“It’s working!” cried Santa. “They’re coming around!
“That Hi Protein potion is the best to be found!”
He turned to his sled – we had fixed that as well –
if the toys could be fixed, then all would be well.
“There’s no time to do it,” said Nicholas, sadly.
“This is one trip that is turning out badly.”
The lifters were quiet and took all the blame,
And hung their heads lower in sorrow and shame.
Then Santa bent over and picked up a letter
That lay in the snow, getting wetter and wetter.
The letter said, “Santa, for Christmas I’d like
a whole lot of muscles. Your friend, Little Mike.”
“That’s perfect!” I cried. “Here’s a course for the kid!
We’ll send one to each of them!” And that’s what we did.
Each kid got a course and a full set of weights --
barbells, and dumbbells and squat stands and plates!
Now Santa was smiling – the good boys and girls
Would soon have their barbells for presses and curls!
The kids would be healthy and happy and strong –
For with barbells and dumbbells you never go wrong.
Santa sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
Yours in strength,
Brooks Kubik
P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
